I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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