Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
