A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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