The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
