somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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