Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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