On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
