Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
