think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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