just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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