i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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