should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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