Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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