i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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