Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
