So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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