Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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