I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
