he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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