apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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