i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
