Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
