Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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