i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
