A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
