Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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