Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
