your thong is hanging out like whoa
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
