the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
