Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
