Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
