she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
