just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
