dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
