I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
