i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
