Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
