i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
