The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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