I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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