We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
