We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
