Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
