did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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