The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
