I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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