trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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