Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
