i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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