i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
