Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
